Updated: Mar 23, 2019
Sometimes I’m terrified that the Lord is mad at me. That he’s punishing me or that I messed up and he’s about to punish me, or about to take something I love from me. I pray and beg him for forgiveness, even if I really don’t know what I did or if I really didn’t do anything! I just want to cover all my bases, make sure there’s nothing I didn’t repent for so I can get some blessings! So that the people who love me continue to love me, so that the things I have, remain mine, and my joy never flees.
I have this idea that constantly repenting and feeling guilting for things I genuinely don’t know or didn’t do, will help make all of those things happen. But then I stopped and thought. I took a look at myself, attempting to see myself the way God sees me (as if I could ever view myself or anyone with that much love and joy).
I tried to envision how he would feel if he were physically here as a person, as a father. If I were constantly running up to him apologizing, begging him not to take from me, begging him to love me and give me the things I love and need. I believe he’d think it was ridiculous. I believe he looks at my heart. When I mess up, what’s my heart doing? Did I intentionally hurt that person, or slip up? did I mean to break that promise, or whatever the situation may be.
The point is, God is not vindictive. He doesn’t want to take from us, he wants to give to us. He wants to love us unconditionally, and he does. We don’t have to earn his affection, or grovel constantly to keep it.
If my heart is seeking him, and pursuing him, then I have nothing to worry about. His mercies are endless. If I recognize when I do mess up, when I do sin, hurt someone, or hurt myself, and make it right with the Lord, he will forgive. And the crazy thing is, even if I didn’t make it right with the Lord, he will STILL forgive and STILL love!! Cause he loves us that much.I am his child, and he is pleased with me. (spread the word)